It Gets Better.

“It Gets Better” is an internet project in response to the suicides of teenagers who were bullied because they were gay. It’s goal is to prevent future suicides by having gay adults convey that their lives WILL improve.

But this message should be spread to all bullied teens, gay or not. That’s what this post is for.

Summer vacation is coming to a quick close and soon, kids will be back to school. I graduated high school in 2010, after 4 pretty miserable years.

I was bullied since the 5th grade, by people who I thought were my friends. Day in and day out I woke up hating myself.

I remember one day when I was in elementary school I had just gotten a hair cut, and a new outfit. I went to school trying to be as positive as I could be, as confident as I could be, and that very day a girl named Laura B. posted a sign on my back that said “wide load”. She was bigger than me and by that I obviously mean heavier, but I still let it get to me.

When I was in high school I wore a lot of black, dyed my hair bright colours and listened to punk music, but in a small high school full of red neck country kids, I was just a “fat emo”. Because you weren’t allowed to have an identity that was different then theirs.

My high school prom, my dress was a size 10.

Today, I fit in a size 2.

It started in college, I decided to stop hating myself. I had to prove that I was worthy, but I didn’t have to prove that to anyone but myself. I got healthy, and yea, it did have something to do with the bullying but all in all I did it for myself. I think I have radio to thank for it, it made me confident for the first time in my entire life.

And honestly my weights the only thing that’s changed about me. I still listen to punk music, I still wear a lot of black, I still dye my hair bright colours, I have tattoos and piercings. But that’s what makes me me, and that’s what makes me sexy.

It’s funny, last time I went home to visit…people were amazed. I saw guys I went to high school with who never paid attention to me then, checking me out. I saw girls who bullied me, who were now bigger than me.

I felt fantastic, I was 40 pounds lighter and 21 years old with a full time career 3000km away; I had grown up, I had gotten out.

I hadn’t thought much about high school in the past few years, and then recently a girl who I used to be friends with sent me a Facebook message to apologize to me for some less than friendly behavior. I appreciated her apology, but I didn’t need it. I had come to peace with my bullies. I have more now than I ever could have imagined, and I have accomplished more than I ever would have thought I would have by 22. I still have to work every day to conquer demons that those bullies created within me, but that gives me strength. It got better. I got better.

Honestly, if I wasn’t bullied every day in one way or another, I would probably still be wearing size 11 skinny jeans and hating myself.

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