When No One Warns You

It’s likely that at least 9/10 girls will tell you that there’s (at least) one guy they’ve dated that they would erase from their past if they could. They probably dated when they were in their late teens/early 20s. They were probably manipulative, emotionally/psychologically abusive, and maybe even physically harmed them one more than one occasion. And they definitely threatened to kill themselves.

For me, that guy is Kyle.

I met Kyle just a few months after I moved to Alberta, I was 20 years old. He was from here and I didn’t have many friends. In fact, I had one friend; and she had just recently started dating someone. So despite the fact that I wasn’t overly interested in Kyle, she encouraged me to give him a chance because she thought he seemed nice and she wanted us to be able to double date. I had no one around to warn me about him.

Thinking back, I know that Kyle was absolutely not smart enough to be manipulative on purpose. Which makes his behavior even scarier.

On our first date Kyle brought his son. He was 2 turning 3 and absolutely adorable. At the time, I just thought he was a single dad who was unable to get a sitter. Now I think it was a strategy; because if you asked me why I stayed around…it was for that kid. If you can’t get a sitter, postpone the date. Remember that if you ever begin dating a single parent.

For the first few weeks that Kyle and I were seeing each other, I was also seeing another guy. We only knew each other for about a month before I tried to end it the first time, and he told me he loved me. Eventually, he wormed his way back in. When his son started to hug me goodnight and tell me he loved me, I ended things with the other guy.

Even then, Kyle and I were only “in a relationship” for about a month before I ended it again. During that time, I went with him to court (for moral support) while he fought with his ex for custody of his son. It was a tough time and he was able to use that to his advantage. He fed me all these stories about how she was crazy and she would hurt their son. I take that with a grain of salt now, I think they were both crazy.

He didn’t go off the deep end right away after we broke up. For a while it was just a text every couple days. Then he started stopping by. There was a couple nights where we were physical. But I quickly put an end to that as well. That was when it got bad.

He Facetimed me one night when he was away for work, when I answered it he was attempting to hang himself. I hung up the phone and called his mother to tell her what he was doing. When she called him he told her I was lying. He started showing up at my house when he was drunk and telling me he was going to go roll his truck down the valley. He would tell me all kinds of things when he was drunk, like how he got in a fight with his dad one night and took it out on his son. He physically abused his son because he was mad at his dad. I needed to get the fuck away from this man, but I also felt like I needed to do something to protect that child. I continued to answer his text messages to keep him from doing something stupid. I had witnessed him have a panic attack/mental break one night before, so I felt like his threats were real. He showed up at my house one day while I was home for lunch, he held me down as I cried. He attempted to rape me; his erectile dysfunction saved my life. That was when I stopped answering his messages.

Just a couple weeks after things ended for good, I met another guy. We went on our first date at a local bar and played some pool. It’s a very small town but it still surprised me when a little bit into my date, Kyle walked through the door. He sat down at a table not far from where we were and hung out with some friends for a bit before he left. I was shocked by the lack of confrontation. A short while later when my date and I left, I saw Kyle sitting in the parking lot. He watched us as we said goodbye. Then he started his car, spun out of the parking lot and took off. A little while later I started getting text messages from his sister about how I was a psycho, a stalker, a slut, and Kyle didn’t want me anymore. Then he started texting me saying I should just kill myself because no one cares about me.

The next day I filed a restraining order.

When I filed the restraining order I had to create a package of evidence; text messages that he and his sister sent me, an affidavit outlining everything he did to make me feel unsafe. When I saw it all out on paper it was shocking that I had let myself be so weak, that wasn’t me.

Every once in a while I see his family around town. I wonder how his son is doing; he would be around 10 now. But I thank the Goddesses above that I have never laid eyes on him again.

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