I recently came across a post on Instagram that really spoke to me. When I read it, I reflected on the first few years that I lived in Alberta. For those years, I didn’t really have many friends, I didn’t know many people. So I spent all my time and did everything with my one friend. And even as I made other friends and we grew apart, something in me felt obligated to maintain the friendship no matter how emotionally draining it was.
It wasn’t until that friendship came to an end that I realized how much of me I was holding in in order to make myself more “agreeable” to her. To avoid conflict, drama, confrontation, criticism. She was a very judgemental and critical person. She was pretentious, condescending. She was always right and everyone else was stupid in comparison. So whether it was topics like feminism, environmentalism, politics, racism or religion, I never truly felt like I could speak up. My opinion, my knowledge, my words weren’t as valuable as hers. When she was being rude, offensive, when she was wrong…I felt like I couldn’t speak up. I even found myself mirroring her sentiments, her opinions and just saying what I knew she wanted to hear to avoid an argument. It was exhausting. And when I think back on the version of myself who shrunk myself down to maintain that friendship I can’t believe that was me.
I am no longer concerned with being “agreeable” to anyone. The things that mean the very most to me to my core, the things that make me who I am, I will no longer keep those opinions in whether it costs me a friend or not.
And you shouldn’t either.